Bereavement signifies a period of emotional pain after a friend, family member, or beloved pet dies. Mental health experts define normal stages people experience after a death, but the feelings may overlap and appear in cycles. People mourn differently and they may deal with bereavement quickly or endure a lengthy process before emotional healing occurs. When the grieving process gets stuck in one stage, it might signal the need for bereavement counseling.
After a loved one dies, the first stage of bereavement commonly appears as denial or disbelief. A person might feel helpless and stunned even if the person who died suffered from a lengthy illness. If the loved one represented a source of financial or emotional support, a sense of panic might surface as the mourner wonders how he or she will cope alone.
Funerals and memorial services might help people in this stage of bereavement accept the reality of death. For some people, viewing the body helps them realize the person is truly gone. These rituals commonly remove feelings of numbness and pave the way for the next stage of grief, typically a sense of anger.
During the bereavement process, a mourner might become angry at the loved one who died for leaving him or her. He or she might also blame doctors or other hospital staff for not saving the person's life. Sometimes this anger targets friends or relatives who may have been absent when they were needed. A griever might internalize guilt over a past disagreement with the person who died.
Depression typically follows the anger stage, and commonly begins four to six weeks after the death. This period may be marked by times of intense sadness and weeping, especially when something reminds the mourner of the loss. In this stage, recalling positive memories commonly helps someone get through the sadness. This is considered an essential part of the coping process that generally becomes more bearable over time.
As depression eases, acceptance typically sets in. Emotions commonly become less intense, and a person begins resuming normal activities. He or she still might become depressed on significant dates linked to the loss, or when hearing a particular song. Physical symptoms connected with bereavement usually improve with acceptance, such as sleep difficulties and loss of appetite.
Different cultures handle death according to different beliefs and customs. Mourning might be noisy and public or a quiet ritual considered private. Some cultures define a period of mourning when survivors wear black clothing and refrain from some things or attending certain social events. In some regions, memorial shrines in the home keep memories of the loved one alive.
There are many effects of bereavement that can strike while you are coping with grief. Many are very unnatural and scary, and can even be bizarre.
Effects of bereavement ...
These are some of the physical symptoms you may experience:
ENERGY -- Exhaustion, muscle tightness or weakness, body pains, fidgety restlessness, lack of energy.
NOTE: The work of grieving expends a tremendous amount of energy. Fatigue is usually self-limiting and will improve over time.
SLEEP -- Insomnia, sleeping too much, disturbing dreams.
NOTE: Sleeping pills do not provide the level and quality of sleep your body needs right now. A very occasional pill will not hurt. Also effective are mildly sedating Valerian Root or Benedryl, also in moderation. Just don't fall into the habit of popping a sleeper every night. This is never advisable, and especially unhealthy for "grief relief".
DIGESTIVE UPSET -- Loss of appetite, overeating, nausea, "hollow stomach", indigestion, intestinal disorders like diarrhea, excessive weight gain or loss
NOTE: Your stomach will settle down as you do.
PHYSICAL SIGNS OF ANXIETY -- Headaches, short of breath, chest pressure, tightness or heaviness in the throat
NOTE: If these symptoms are mild and improve, fine. But chest discomfort and or shortness of breath, accompanied by nausea or sweating can be signs of a heart attack. Call 911 for serious symptoms. Better safe than sorry.
Effects of bereavement ...
If your loved one died because of an illness, it is not uncommon to harbor fears that you might get sick and die, too. You might even develop symptoms similar to those he had.
If any of your physical effects of bereavement don't gradually improve over time, and you truly are worried that something might be wrong, see a doctor. You don't need the added stress of fear about your own physical well-being right now. Get a checkup for the peace of mind.
Effects of bereavement ...
The hallmark of emotions during grief is unpredictability... you'll be up, down, all over the place! It feels crazy, but it's normal. As long as your emotions are constantly changing, moving and evolving, you're on the right track.
NUMBNESS -- Most people stricken by a great loss report an initial period of shock, numbness, or disbelief that the tragedy has even occurred. When the "shock" wears off, unfortunately, the grief strikes full-blown. At first it may seem helpful to separate yourself from the pain, but that is not a good thing. You must go through it sooner or later in order to bring your grief to resolution.
SADNESS & YEARNING -- Of course, you'll feel overwhelming sadness, and miss the physical closeness of your lost loved one. You'll shed many tears, and then be worried when you can't cry any more.
RELIEF & GUILT -- It's also common for you to feel at least some degree of relief, especially if the death followed a long illness, or it was a conflicted relationship. The feelings of relief will likely be followed by guilt. You may have many regrets. You may regret things left unsaid. You may feel guilt and regret over the circumstances of the death ("Why did I let her go to that place?") Try to find comfort in the fact that most every bereaved person goes through such heavy-duty emotional turmoil. It one of the common effects of bereavement.
ANXIETY, WORRY & FEAR -- And yes, even embarrassment. You may feel helpless and panic-stricken at times. A myriad of strong human emotions is part of the whole package known as bereavement. As time goes on, the emotions will soften and the intensity will lessen.
MENTAL TASKS -- Trouble concentrating, finishing tasks, forgetfulness, inability to make decisions, "absent-mindedness". It is sometimes said that you should avoid making any life-changing decisions for at least a year after the loss. This could be a good idea.
ANGER -- Anger is almost universally experienced by all who grieve.
You could have thoughts, or rather, bad temptations, such as:
Your lost loved one (for leaving you...)
The situation...
The doctors (for not saving her)
God (for allowing this to happen)
The whole world...
Remove the anger: talk about it with a trusted friend; write it all down in your journal, etc.
Grief itself is a natural response that doesn't require medical treatment. But sometimes people need help getting through the grieving process.
Medicine. During the initial days of grief, anxiety or sleeplessness can make it difficult to function. If you suffer more than a few days of severe agitation, talk to your doctor about whether a short-term prescription sedative medicine can help you.
Counseling. If you find that obstacles to grieving are making it difficult to function after a loss, talk to a grief counselor, attend a bereavement support group, or both. Counseling and support groups can also help you work through unresolved grief from a past loss.
If you or someone you know exhibits suicidal behavior, call 911 or other emergency services immediately.
If you find that a major loss has caused complications, such as depression, prolonged anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), or severe and prolonged grief, see your doctor and a grief counselor for treatment.
If you have a chronic medical condition that has been made worse by the emotional and physical stress of grief, see your doctor immediately.